Forever and maybe always
by Elizabeth T MacKenzie
Summary: Renesmee wonders what living without Jacob would be like. She decides to go to South America and see where it all began, and that maybe living within safe walls isn't all ways the safest.


Dear Readers,

I'm pleased to say that I'm starting a new Story about the love of James and Renesmee! Since reading Breaking Dawn I was infatuated with the relationship and wanted to know more. So I thought I would make up my own tale. I also have always been interested in imprinting and how the person being imprinted on feels. I really hope you like this story. I'm a new writer so tips and reviews, both good and bad, are much welcomed and appreciated. So REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! I'm also writing another story so I will write a chapter for this one, and then write a chapter for my other story. So check both out and you will get a update more regular. Right now I'm getting a chapter out a week. With every chapter I'm putting a quote that describes the chapter and a song that describes the mood of the main character (in this case Renesmee) at the end I'm hoping to have a full play list. If you have a song that you think better describes the chapter let me know and if I like it I will add it to the play list. Thanks again.

Happy Reading,

Elizabeth

**Quote of the chapter-**

Time, which changes people, does not alter the image we have retained of them. ~Marcel Proust

**Renesmee's song of the chapter-**

Anything but ordinary- Avril Lavigne

I felt his warm lips on mine and his strong hand on my lower back. He was really into this. I just wasn't. I pulled away and bent my face to his ear. I was going to start to whisper that I need to go but he beat me to it. "My beautiful Renesmee, I know you need to go but before that, I just want you to know that you are my sun the light that warms my skin, and the only thing that makes me get up every morning. I love you."

"Jake, you know how I feel about you." I told him as I pulled away from his warm embrace. As I said that his eyebrows closed together and he gave me a puzzled look, he opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. I could tell that he was mad about me not saying I love you too. Well he would get over it. Its not that I didn't love him, I did, I always would. It's just that I sometimes wonder what being with someone else was like, and with that thought was in my head I just couldn't say I love you back.

"Do you want me too run you home?" Jake asked me.

"Nah, you have to run with the pack right about….." I started-

"Awhooo!" a voice rumbled in the near distance.

"Now," I finished. Before he could say anything more I took off into the distance. I only looked back once to watch Jake jump off his deck and form into a wolf. He really was beautiful when he did that. I had never been with anyone but Jake. He imprinted on me a few minutes after I was born, and I guess you could say the rest is history. If you think about it, I never really had a choice. As long as the earth spins it will be Jacob and I. But what if it doesn't have to be? I'm his soul mate but what if he's not mine? Does that happen? Ugh, I feel like my head is running a mile a minute. I don't know what to think or say or do. Jake loves me more then he loves his own life, and I love him just the same, but is that enough? I read this book once and it said that in a relationship someone always loves someone more. Jake loves me more than I love him, I know it. I guess for once in my life I want to know what it feels like to love someone more then they love me. My head spins erratically with these thoughts. I want somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed, to feel the pain I think I deserve. I know that with Jake I will never be broken. But what if I hurt him instead? My life is starting to feel like a perfect bubble; perfect parents, perfect home, perfect looks, perfect family, perfect boyfriend. I'm done with being perfect. I want to be a mess, to be lost for once in my life, but I can't do that here. I can't do that to the people I love.

When I got back to Grandpa Carlisle and Nana's house my Mother was sitting with Aunt Alice planning her next honeymoon. They did this about every 4 months; get on some plane and go off for 2-3 weeks for some quality alone time. Seeing how in love they are and the affection which they hardly try to conceal bothers me sometime. It never used to bother me, but only when I started to question Jake and mines relationship, I can hardly look at my parents. I wonder if that's the way people feel when they look at Jacob and me? A constant love that can never seem to dwindle. Its like when your in-love everything is brighter and every couple looks better. But when your falling out of love, every couple you see is like a sucker punch to your gut. A reminder that seems on red flag everywhere you go. It makes you want to keel over and cry. Maybe I should go on a trip just to get away from everyone. It might do me good to take a break, maybe see other people and go other places. Maybe South America…..

"No." my Dad said as he walked in the room. I sighed and gave him a glare. I hate it when he invades my thoughts like that. Privacy seems so scarce around here.

"You don't want to pay the extra money to stay in a room on the ocean?" my mother asked puzzled. She clearly misunderstood that my fathers comment was directed at my thoughts. Money was never an issue round here, there always seemed to be an endless supply of it.

"No love, that sounds wonderful," Dad replied, "its just Renesmee –"

"Had this wonderful idea," Alice interjected, cutting him off as she entered the room. "It was this really lovely picture in my mind. But then your Edward came in and became a buzz kill, and erased the vision in my head" Alice growled. By then my mother was very confused, -no doubt to the expression on her face- my father was upset, and Grandpa Carlisle and Nana Esme who were sitting quietly off to the side, were getting a kick out of this. Right then Aunt Rosalie walked down the stairs; well walking isn't the right verb, more like floated.

"Really Edward? She's a teenage girl, get out of her head and give her some privacy," my aunt scolded my father.

"Oh," My mother finally understood and whipped the clueless expression off her face. "So what was Renesmee thinking that made you all get in such a huff?"

"Would you stop talking like I'm not here?" I asked with a hint of annoyance. "I was thinking that maybe I should go away, to you know, be independent and be by myself and…"

"Oh that's interesting," My dad thought out loud.

"Without Jacob." My mom frowned. As soon as she said that the room went silent. Sometimes I swear my Mom knows me better then anyone else in the world. She knew that was the exact reason why I wanted, no needed, to go. I could see the conflict in her perfect marble face. She loved Jake like a son or a brother and she knew that by me going away it would hurt him. She also knew that by making me stay here it would hurt me. Even if she would never admit it, the two people she loved the most -next to my dad- was Jacob and I. "Where do you want to go and for how long?"

"South America, for 2-3 weeks, maybe more." Aunt Alice, my dad and I all answered in unison. Wow this whole special power thing sometimes gets old. Mom nodded her head and scrunched her face together. You could tell when she was thinking.

"Alice, Edward will you see me up stairs?" My mother asked. They both nodded and before you could blink they both were gone. My Aunt Rosalie opened her arms knowingly and I ran into them for comfort.

She kissed the top of my head and whispered over and over again, "It will be ok." Ok. Aunt Rose wasn't the deepest fish in the sea, but when it came to problems like this she sure was one of the best to go to, well next to my mom. By walking within the lines that my family has made for my protection, I pay the price by a boring existence. I want to know that I have been to the extreme and came back. When everyone returned downstairs, my heart started to pound. It occurred to me then that no matter what my mother said, no matter what was decided, I would go. I want her approval though. I don't know if I can do this completely alone. It just hit me that my future rides on what she says.

"You can go, but there are some conditions" My mother announced.


End file.
